Hope is emotional oxygen. Goodwill toward others is protein for our souls. But it seems so often we are either gasping for breath or suffering from spiritual malnutrition. For the last five years our economy seemed to be booming (now we learn it was really only bubbling), and it looked like everyone was rich. And some really were. The list of billionaires skyrocketed. And the media’s obsession with putting the “cribs” and lifestyles of the increasing number of rich and famous in our living rooms every night baited our inner tendency for social comparison like cheese seduces rats. Repeated studies show that social comparison is a leading cause of stress and even depression. If we are driving a brand new Toyota in a Lexus neighborhood, we mostly feel “So what’s wrong with me?” We wonder, “Am I not as smart or as lucky as our neighbors? Does God just not love me as much?” We ask all kinds of questions that get us chasing our own negative thoughts like a dog gnawing on his own tail. Then some of us, evidently lots of us, decide we’re not going to take it anymore. So we borrow to pay for stuff we think is going to make us feel better. A bigger house (Yah…now you’re talkin’!”), a flashier car, a sexy vacation, a private college education for my angel girl or awesome son. But it turns out that for far too many of us it’s all an illusion. Yes there are 8 million real honest-to-assets millionaires in the U.S., but there are also 292 million of us who aren’t. In fact, half of Americans have a true net worth of less than $10,000. The savings rate of people making between $100,000 and $250,000 is nearly zero. That’s sad. It means that we’ve become so addicted to consumption that even if we have a financially secure life our aspirations to live richer than should makes us stupid.
But social comparison works both ways. Recently American Idol Gives Back was on television (Yes, I know. What am I doing watching American Idol?). This is a modern version of a telethon to raise tens of millions for charities like Save the Children who help suffering children in the U.S. and around the world. Watching the stories of children in rural or gang-infested American neighborhoods and the millions of orphan children in Africa you can’t help but feel like we’re the most fortunate people ever. In fact, I sometimes tell audiences that. Of the billions of people that have lived on our planet, we are the luckiest. It wasn’t that long ago that a typical mother lost half her children to diseases we no longer hear about. Throughout most of human history it was common for people over 60 to die of toothache infections! But it’s hard to stay focused on all the good things of life when we’re constantly tempted to lust after someone’s private jet or even their more secure job.
As a country it is likely we are in for far worse than a rough patch. Our economy needs more than a fresh coat of spending. It’s rusted out. Our budget deficit is much larger than our leaders will admit. And the same people who are crushing Tibetian monks are buying our broken banks. It seems a consumer-based economy (largely driven by social comparison) doesn’t work when we all run out of spending money. So suffering is likely to increase. Our nation is not so much in need of repair as it is in need of a resurrection. We need a wholesale change of thinking. We need new ideas and self-discipline to implement them.
But what do we do now? The best way is to quit feeling sorry for ourselves and take a deep breath of hope. It’s to offer hope to others. It’s to have a steady diet of love protein. No, we don’t have to go to Africa. We can just change our focus to look around us right where we stand and ask who needs encouragement. Who needs a sandwich? Volunteer at school. If you’re a student, offer yourself as a tutor. No matter how bad you think your situation is there are people all around you who are suffering, and the best way to help yourself is to help others.
Now is also an opportunity for us to take a deep breath and ask ourselves what kind of life we really want. What kind of society do we really want? We are a nation of resilient, creative, generous people. We are more than we have become. We are better than this. It’s time to come together to restore a commitment to community, mutuality and goodwill. It’s a time of all of us to offer our unique gifts and abilities to serve higher purposes. We need to multiply the things that are working and starve old ideas and shout down the voices of fear. Damn it—we’re better than this.
Will Marre
Founder, American Dream Project
To visit American Dream Project’s home page, click here.
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